the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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