North Korea, Best Korea!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
