You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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