Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
