I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
