lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
