he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
