mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
