last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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