Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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