Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
