I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize