i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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