I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
