the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize