Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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