What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
