He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
