After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
