but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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