it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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