Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
