Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
