so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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