Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
