Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
