Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
