It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
