What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
