He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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