sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
