The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
pop tarts are not kleenex
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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