just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize