Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
