rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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