It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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