I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
