He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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