I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
