so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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