he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
