i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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