I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
