Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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