If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
