I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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