I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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