And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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