Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
