So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
