weddingsv make me drug and hornr
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
