Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
