I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
