oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
