People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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