My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
