About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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