I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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