In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Vodka?
Forever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
