I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
