I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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