You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize