You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
