not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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