Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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